Photo by Lyle Bell

“All in all is all we are.”

Is this line familiar to you? “All in all is all we are” is repeated throughout Nirvana’s “All Apologies” like a mantra for today, tomorrow and yesterday. Feeling like a close cousin to the radical acceptance of, “It is what it is,” “All Apologies” seems to reference the parts of ourselves, or others, that we may not like, but must eventually accept if we want to stand in the sun together.

“Married. Buried.”

Written as an ode to his wife and child, Kurt Cobain described “All Apologies” as “peaceful, happy, comfort”, in the 1993 biography, Come as You Are: The Story of Nirvana, by Michael Azerrad. NQ Arbuckle sees it in a similar light.

“It’s a song about marriage,” says NQ, reflecting on why he chose to include the song on his upcoming album, Love Songs for the Long Game (a record that is itself an “evergreen ode to sticking together through thick and thin”). “I think the notion of being ‘all apologies’ speaks to the push and pull of living as an individual and within a relationship of equals which requires a lot of compromise. I also think it speaks to the complexity of relationships where you can be in the sun and buried at the same time. Then the last lines speak to Two becoming One...resignation, acceptance, over and over again.”

In the long game, repetition is inevitable.

We cycle and recycle through culture, characters and conflicts, stories and ideas. We are the cumulative result of each loop, and within each ring is routine. In this commonplace, we form systems and institutions like school, laws and marriage. We are all tied to the long game because we’re all echoes of the past.

Echoing the original’s minimalist production, NQ’s grungy vocals and acoustic guitar are united by a set of drums that resonate like freezer-burned wedding bells. Standing in for the cello line is a steadfast but unassuming synth, a plucky banjo and NQ’s hearty, warm laugh. It’s his dedication to repetition, this commitment to paradox, that weds us to NQ’s version of the song.

What more is there to say when it’s all been said before? It is what it is, and it is gold. Love is everlasting, even in the long game, and when you find yourself in that “peaceful, happy comfort” in the midst of it all, you just might be in the right place: married, but not yet buried.

“All in all is all we are.”

THE HORIZON LINE PLAYLIST:
Listen to this week's Horizon Line playlist inspired by NQ Arbuckle's version of Nirvana's "All Apologies".